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‘Yet even now,’ declares YAHWEH, ‘Return to Me with your whole heart, and with fasting, weeping and mourning; and rend your hearts and not your garments.’ Now return to YAHWEH your God for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in tender mercy and relenting of evil. Joel 2:12-13

Webster's definition for 'REND'
1 : to remove from place by violence
2 : to split or tear apart or in pieces by violence
3 : to tear (the hair or clothing) as a sign of anger, grief, or despair

how do i rend my heart? how do i tear it open before You? it sounds painful, it sounds gruesome, it sounds bloody!

if i tear open my heart before you what will You find? what ugliness and darkness will be exposed to your light? what secrets will be revealed in the depths of my shallow heart? my instinct is to hide, to cover up, to protect my heart from pain and exposure.

i don’t like pain! i don’t like my sin being exposed! but You know all things and all things will come to light. what will be Your response to my darkness and sin? will You reject me? if man knew all that i am, i’m sure he would, but will You, my God?

“i am dark, but lovely” Song of Songs 1:5

how can it be? how can i be dark but lovely to You? how can my heart hide such darkness yet You still love me? is it true that You consider me loved even when i struggle and trip and fall? if rending my heart before you is what You ask, then for such love, i say, “yes, i will tear my heart open before You.” i will rend my heart before You so you can remove the darkness and ugliness. come, make my heart lovely as only You can do. i can’t do it. i will rend my heart, but i need You to come and do the surgery to remove the sin and bring healing.

“O Jerusalem, wash your heart from wickedness, that you may be saved. How long shall your evil thoughts lodge within you?” Jeremiah 4:14

i want my heart clean before You now so i have no shame at Your coming! make my heart clean, spotless and blameless! if i must rend it, tear it open before You for this to be, then this i will do!

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